| Previous "The Old West Car" |
Transcripts | Next "The Astro Queue Car" |
This article is a transcript of the episode "The Pig Baby Car" of Infinity Train.
(The episode starts with Min-Gi , Ryan, and Kez in another train car in a kitchen drawer with pepper shaker and some grocery lists. The boys were debating that they should keep them on or not.)
Ryan: I vote we keep them on. They're stylish, man.
Min-Gi: Yours has cool doodles. Mine is apparently an old person's grocery list. Fiber powder. Bunion pads. Mrs. Tinsley's Old-Fashioned Butter Lozenges for Well Behaved Boys. No, thanks.
(With that, Min-Gi climbed out of the drawer, followed by Kez and Ryan and also losing their list clothes in the process and Ryan was disappointed.)
Ryan: Aw.
(When they climbed out, they saw they were in a giant kitchen with giant kitchen utensils and cooking tools. Kez saw a chef hat and flew up under it to wear it.)
Kez: Hey like, wouldn't it be fun if I, like, wore this hat for the rest of the time we were here and you, like, called me Lorraine?
Min-Gi: Why?
Kez: I don't know. Why do you hate fun, Min?
Min-Gi: I don't hate fun. I just... (Then he realizes why) Oh. Who in this car hates you?
Ryan: Again, Kez?
Kez: Lorraine.
Ryan: Fine. "Lorraine", what did you do this time?
"Lorraine"(Kez): Lorraine answers to no man.
(All of a sudden, the ground shook and then rose a Giant Pig Baby wearing baby clothes and holding a raddle, in a giant baby table chair.)
Pig Baby: Treats for Pig Baby!
(Slams his hovels on the table)
Pig Baby: Have you brought something tasty for Pig Baby?
Ryan: Uh, I'm sorry, we didn't know we should bring food. We were just looking for the door.
Pig Baby: No treats? (Then he starts wailing loudly, then a tiny Cow Creamer that was standing on baby table chair came forward.)
Cow Creamer: You've upset Pig Baby! Oh, aww. Shh-shh-shh-shh-shh. Oh, shoosh. There, there. Who's a pretty baby, oh?
Pig Baby: I am.
Cow Creamer: That's right. And what do pretty pigs say, ah?
Pig Baby: Oink, oink, oink.
Cow Creamer: Aww, that's our good boy.
(Ryan elbows Min-Gi and they both made grossed out faces to show how cringed they felt.)
Cow Creamer: You must make Pig Baby a treat to make it up to him.
Pig Baby: Huh? (Starts giggling at the sound of that.)
Min-Gi: Uh, look, Mrs. Cow Creamer, we don't want to upset your, uh, son? But we have to be on our way.
"Lorraine"(Kez): (In a gruff voice) Yeah, man. We're supposed to meet up with my roommate.
Cow Creamer: Who is that you're with?
"Lorraine"(Kez): Uh, just me. Lorraine. Kiss me, I'm a chef's hat.
(Cow Creamer stared suspiciously for a minute at "Lorraine" and it looked like she was goanna recognize Kez but then she said)
Cow Creamer: No, thank you.
(Pig Baby slammed his fist on the table making a big gust of wind making "Lorraine" fly off.)
"Lorraine"(Kez): Aah!
(Luckly Ryan caught her just in time.)
Ryan: Whoa there, Lorraine.
"Lorraine"(Kez): (Normal voiced hushed) Dudes, just make the treat, and we'll look for the door later. We can't have Pig Baby knowing I'm here.
Min-Gi: Okay, Mrs. Cow Creamer. We'll make something.
Cow Creamer: Ooh, magnifique. You'll find our kitchen fully stocked. Though I'm sorry there's not more butter. There was a bit of an incident.
Pig Baby: Butter! Waaaah! My butter!
Cow Creamer: Oh, there, there, plumpkins. The cookbook is up there. Choose wisely. My little angel is very hard to impress.
(The trio saw the cookbook way up high in shelf.)
Min-Gi: How are we supposed to get up there?
"Lorraine"(Kez): (Gruff voice) You just got to jump, man.
Min-Gi: No way, "Lorraine".
(Without warning Ryan leaped and floated his way to the shelf. Mi-Gi was not happy.)
Min-Gi: Ryan, you can't just... ugh! You have to think before you do things.
Ryan: Lorraine said to "jump", and now I'm up here by the cookbook and you're down there like a chump without a cookbook.
(Then Lorraine (Kez) flew her way to the shelf, Mi-Gi groaned and floated after her. Once at the shelf the 2 boys open the cookbook and look at the recipes.)
Min-Gi: Chicken liver anchovy toast? Wax beans O'Brian? Tomato frost? Ugh, it's American. Well, there's got to be a simple brownie recipe or something.
Ryan: Min, please. The Creamer said to wow Pig Baby. (Points to a strawberry Brazil pie) Here. This one actually sounds pretty good.
Min-Gi: It also looks pretty complicated.
Ryan: We'll be fine. Go big or go home!
Min-Gi: (Under his breathe) If we can ever even get home.
(Then a montage starts how Min-Gi follows the instructions slowly and carefully while Ryan just rushed through it.)
Ryan: And the final touch.
(Ryan puts a graham cracker on top the food. When the trio looked at their work, it was pink sloppy mess.)
Min-Gi: If I was at Dumpty's right now, I would be ashamed to serve this.
Ryan: Puh-lease. It had tons of ingredients, so like, um, you know, confidence.
(But after it was served to the piglet, he immediately threw back at them getting some of the food on the boys and starts to cry loudly again while the creamer was criticizing the food like a Karen.)
Cow Creamer: Didn't puree the strawberries, over-whipped the egg whites, and you chose chiffon even though it needs to be chilled overnight.
Ryan: But we took a pretty big swing, so points for that at least?
(Mi-Gi facepalms, and Pig Baby and Cow Creamer just stare at Ryan grumpily which is a "no" from them.)
Mi-Gi: We'll do better. (Glares at Ryan. Then the trio went back to the cookbook.)
Ryan: It's fine. We'll find something.
Mi-Gi: Ew. Warm banana mayonnaise salad?
Ryan: Ugh, Americans, man. Great music, disgusting post-war food. (Beat) I say we try it. He's a pig, right? He probably loves gross American food. Why else would this be the only cookbook?
(Then another montage starts with Min-Gi doing everything slowly and carefully while Ryan rushed, the butter started to run out. Then they served it to Pig Baby who hated it and threw back down to them and starts crying again.)
Cow Creamer: Aww. (kissing noises) You forgot the lettuce, and it's cold.
(Then another montage with Min-Gi struggling to stay float while Ryan float with ease. The butter was half gone at this point. The boy severed the other meal to the pig, but he didn't like that ether.)
Cow Creamer: Custard does not have beef floss.
(The boys groaned in irritation and went back to work there was almost no butter left. Then they gave him another post war American food but then was rejected again by Pig Baby.)
Cow Creamer: Zippers are not a food.
"Lorraine"(Kez): You got to respect someone trying to innovate in their field.
Cow Creamer: No, Lorraine, I don't. Try again and perhaps try finding something simple that actually tastes good from that disgusting cookbook, which was the only one left after a tragic grease fire.
Ryan: Pig Baby doesn't like that food?
Cow Creamer: Who in their right mind enjoys post-war American food?
(Then our heroes were back to where they started again.)
Mi-Gi: I told you!
Ryan: I know. Okay? I know. Whatever, we'll do brownies.
Mi-Gi: Fine!
Ryan: Fine!
(The trio went to the fridge and Mi-Gi opened it to find no butter left.)
Mi-Gi: Well, this will come as a surprise to no one. We're out of butter!
"Lorraine"(Kez): (Normal Voice) Aw, man. My butter. I hope it's okay.
Mi-Gi: (Irritated) Kez? Were you the butter incident?
"Lorraine"(Kez): So, like, maybe when I was here last time, I put a bunch of butter in the microwave, set it for five minutes, forgot, and, like, maybe all the butter melted.
Ryan: And then you what, left?
"Lorraine"(Kez): Or what? Stay in the kitchen forever? I am not about to turn the clock back on women's lib, man.
Ryan: (Mad) Kez!
"Lorraine"(Kez): Ugh. It'll be fine. Follow me. (Floats offscreen then shows Mi-Gi and Ryan in front of a microwave with all the melted butter inside.) I mean, at the end of the day, it's still butter, right?
(The boys groaned in annoyance of their friend's mistake but went right to work with the butter. Mi-Gi was putting an egg in the bowl when one of the eggshells almost in. Ryan caught it. Then it shows that Ryan was taking his time with the brownies instead of rushing through it like the last dishes. After cooking it in the oven Mi-Gi was but to cut it but Ryan stopped him.)
Ryan: Wait. (Grabs a nearby floating toothpick and jabs it in the food and it comes out dirty.) Okay, they're done.
"Lorraine"(Kez): Shouldn't the toothpick be clean?
Ryan: Nah, that would mean they're too dry. They need to be kind of fudgy in the middle.
Ryan and Mi-Gi: Because otherwise it'd just be cake.
Mi-Gi: Look who's suddenly a brownie expert.
Ryan: It was in the recipe book.
Mi-Gi: Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo, a humble brownie expert.
Ryan: Well, what can I say?
Mi-Gi: "Your Honor, I am a simple man."
Ryan: Okay, okay. "A simple brownie man."
(Both boys laughed and then both of their numbers went down to 172.)
Both: Huh?
"Lorraine"(Kez): Oh, your numbers went down. Um, cool.
Mi-Gi: (realizing something) You learned to slow down.
Ryan: What?
Mi-Gi: We're here to learn lessons, right? That's the thing that just happened. You took your time with something for once, and...
Ryan: (Offended) Hey!
Mi-Gi: (ignoring Ryan) And if you're the one who learned something, then that means...
Ryan: I'm the one who made the numbers change.
Mi-Gi: Yes. So, you're the one who was meant to be on the train, not me.
Ryan: (Guiltly) OH. I didn't know. I wouldn't have made you follow me if...
(Mi-Gi puts his hand on Ryan's shoulder)
Mi-Gi: Ah, I forgive you. It was a freak accident, and I'll do everything I can to help you mature. (Then their numbers went back up to 202)
Mi-Gi: Huh. Maybe the lesson didn't stick. Maybe you need to prove you learned it by doing it again in the future.
Ryan: (A little hurt and unsure) I guess?
Mi-Gi: Ready to give a treat to a fussy baby?
Ryan: Sure, man. (The boys give the treat to the pig)
Pig Baby: Yummers! (Then he started to eat the brownies like there was no tomorrow.)
Cow Creamer: Ooh, excellent work. I've never seen Pig Baby so delighted by a treat.
Pig Baby: More!
Cow Creamer: Mais oui. More!
Mi-Gi: What? No! He's happy now, so we're goanna exit.
Cow Creamer: No, no. You will keep cooking. Pig Baby must be kept happy. Until Pig Baby dies, and you'll be the new Pig Baby.
Ryan: No way, you creepy creamer!
(Pig Baby laughs at their suffering, then Mi-Gi notices something in the pig's mouth. The Exit door!)
Mi-Gi: Pig Baby ate the exit. We have to find a way in there.
Ryan: (Shivers in disgust) (Groans) This car is messed, man. How are we supposed to get him to stop chewing?
(Mi-Gi had an idea he pulled off Kez's disguise reveling herself.)
Cow Creamer: Butter Kez.
Pig Baby: (Wailing) Kez melted all of Pig Baby's yummy butter.
Kez: Okay, Pig Baby, like, we're all just adults here, so let's just...
Pig Baby: Waaaahhhhh!
Cow Creamer: Come now. Oh, be a brave. Oh, would you like some lard? Does a sweet widdle baby want some lard?
Pig Baby: Waaaahhhhh!
(While Pig Baby was crying with his mouth wide open the trio leaped and floated right into his mouth and out the exit door. The 2 boys laugh about their victory over the weirdo losers (aka Pig Baby and Cow Creamer).
Ryan: Aw, gross, man.
Mi-Gi: Here's hoping we don't have to cook again to get your number down.
Ryan: Yeah. Right.
(Kez floats to the next train car while talking.)
Kez: Right, right, numbers. But like we just learned, don't push yourself, man. Because it's not about the desti-something. It's about the whatever.
Mi-Gi: Yeah. You can't help it if you have a lot to learn.
(Mi-Gi follows after Kez, Ryan stays behind and looks down at his number gloomily. He sighs and hopes for the best.)